Saturday, January 30, 2016

a work in progress

i was a feminist who was struggling to break free from my conservative, backwards upbrining. i was a feminist who didn’t know shit about feminism. i’m still learning. i’m still growing. i’m still fuuuuuuccccckkkkkkkk. trying to find out who i am without the pressures or voices of others in my head. i started to think for myself. i started to see who i am. i started to wonder less if i measure up. because in some people’s eyes, i’ll never measure up. i’ll never be good enough. as i am. as i am. as i am. as i am. as i am. socialization is so hard to overcome. i just keep running everyday. those braces on my legs slowing coming apart, as i discover that i don’t need them to run, and i can run, run, run, run, run, ruuuunnnnn michelllleee, runnnnnnn. i was run-ning. i was run-ning. and i’m here. and i’m here. and i’m here. i have a voice i have a voice.. i have a voice. i have a choice. and that brings me to now. (silence)

i’m not that oppressed little girl anymore. i don’t need you to think for me. i don’t need you to tell me i’m free. because i see that i am. that abortion you thought i needed. that spank on my ass. those insults that proved i was nothing  more than your “stupid” little girl. (a beat)

i wasn’t allowed to be like them. separate but equal. i wasn’t equal. the boys got what i didn’t. i was taught that i didn’t deserve respect. a constant reminder that i was in my place. i was never gonna win that race. not without equity. a concept that few failed to believe.

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