a work in progress

i was a feminist who was struggling to break free from my conservative, backwards upbrining. i was a feminist who didn’t know shit about feminism. i’m still learning. i’m still growing. i’m still fuuuuuuccccckkkkkkkk. trying to find out who i am without the pressures or voices of others in my head. i started to think for myself. i started to see who i am. i started to wonder less if i measure up. because in some people’s eyes, i’ll never measure up. i’ll never be good enough. as i am. as i am. as i am. as i am. as i am. socialization is so hard to overcome. i just keep running everyday. those braces on my legs slowing coming apart, as i discover that i don’t need them to run, and i can run, run, run, run, run, ruuuunnnnn michelllleee, runnnnnnn. i was run-ning. i was run-ning. and i’m here. and i’m here. and i’m here. i have a voice i have a voice.. i have a voice. i have a choice. and that brings me to now. (silence)

i’m not that oppressed little girl anymore. i don’t need you to think for me. i don’t need you to tell me i’m free. because i see that i am. that abortion you thought i needed. that spank on my ass. those insults that proved i was nothing  more than your “stupid” little girl. (a beat)

i wasn’t allowed to be like them. separate but equal. i wasn’t equal. the boys got what i didn’t. i was taught that i didn’t deserve respect. a constant reminder that i was in my place. i was never gonna win that race. not without equity. a concept that few failed to believe.

i am powerful.

i didn't wanna do it

and you knew it

but you pushed me anyway.

yeah, i didn't wanna do it! and you knew it, but you pushed me anyway.

and i

i

i let you win

and i
i
i
didn't know.


i didn't know

that i was in control.

i didn't know

that i was powerful.

my boundaries were broken from years of abuse.
my self-esteem was shattered and i gave it up to you

now i know

that i am in control.

now i know
that i am powerful.

i know that i am in control.
i know that i am powerful.

winter song

i'm weary

and my roots are brittle and dry

another shaken leave

is driftin' toward the sky

and i wonder when

spring will come again

so i can open up

and breathe new life

but these seasons of change 

don't come easily

you have to stand strong against the blistery winds of life

and you and feel the pain,

but only in the present tense

and remember that you're still alive

snow paints my skin

and fills in my gnarly nots

white-washing all my aches and pain

and my rings of life, 

and these nests in my hands

bring promise of better days

but these seasons of change 

don't come easily

you have to stand strong against the blistery winds of life

and you and fill the pain,

by livin' in the present tense

and remember that you're still alive

i'm still alive

Winter Park With Snow Covered Trees

by artist Elena Elisseeva

oppression is not the answer, love is

i see it like it is
and i call it like i see it
i don't pretend to be anything but me

i'm a radical who doesn't subscribe to labels
i'm a human being, so treat me like one

i'm not going to talk like a girl

i'm not going to let you define the rules

you're not doing any favors

when you ask me to bend down and kiss your feet

so let's do this together
try loosening your grip
relinquish some of your power
and trust you'll still be respected

i know what it's like to be a minority
sisters and brothers of another color
but this abhorrent violence and daily oppression
is not something i've ever had to endure

so let's raise our voices together

know that you are not alone

justice and love will prevail

trust that a new act is beginning now

so let's do this together
try loosening your grip
relinquish some of your power
and trust you'll still be respected

'cause there's always love
there's always love
there's always love, yeah there's always love
there's always love, peace, justice and harmony
there's always love

oooh, there's always love

image courtesy of Wikipedia

con tu luz, si se puedes

this song is to remind you that you are infinite
this song is to remind you that this is not all there is

the world is a beautiful place if you let it be
it's just about shifting what it is you see
and those of us who taint the waters are few and far between

this song is to remind you that your heart is something, too
this song is to remind you that love looks good on you

and you can hate your self if you choose to
but i'm never going to give up on you
'cause i see your beauty and majesty 
and your light is blinding

those of us who hurt ourselves
go on to hurt each other

con tu luz, si se puedes

con tu luz, si se puedes

con tu luz, si se puedes

con tu luz, si se puedes

i'm myself

it's the way that you make me feel
you treat me like i'm a piece of meat
and you tell me that i'm too fuckin' sweet
well, it's not my problem, but yours

i'm kind a generous and loving, too
and if you think that makes me weak, then that's on you
for it takes more balls that you'll ever have
to show up be compassionate and be
yourself.
that's who i am
i'm myself

i can't deny that i'm loud mouth
i can't deny that i have a huge heart
i can't deny that i'm outgoing
i can't deny that i'm an artist
if that makes you uncomfortable
then that's on you

i'm considerate of other people's space
i don't disrespect your boundaries
so stop trying to bulldoze over mine
my smile's not an invite for you to harass me
my hug doesn't warrant you to touch my ass
i'm a fucking human so stop sexualizing me
and if you have a problem, it's yours and not mine
yeah, if you have a problem it's yours and not mine

it's not my fault that i'm pretty
it's not my fault that i'm unafraid
so stop trying to punish me
i'm not going to apologize for how i feel
i'm not responsible for how you feel

i'm an individual with a heart of gold
so stop tryin' to put your shit on me, yeah
and stop tellin' me what to believe

i'm kind a generous and loving, too
and if you think that makes me weak, then that's on you
for it takes more balls that you'll ever have
to show up be compassionate and be
yourself.
that's who i am
i'm myself

sick girls finish last

nobody wants to help you if you're the sick girl

especially if you say things that contradict their lifestyle choices
especially if you confront them with their own trauma
especially if you speak the truth
about oppression
inequality
their own choices

see, nobody invited debby downer to the party
nobody wants to see her crying in the corner
mascara running
such an unsightly display of pain

or we'll shame you
"god, you're so unhealthy"
you did this to yourself

and we won't be there to help you pick up the remains
after your life comes crashing down
because the mental health system failed
the family failed
the guidance counselors failed
the teachers failed
the schooling failed
the lack of parenting failed
the poverty failed
the partners failed
the trauma failed
the ones who stood by and watched failed
the ones who "don't talk about emotions" failed
the college degree failed
the friends failed
the ones who knew, but did nothing failed
the community failed
the abuse failed
the speaking out failed
the fighting failed
the pushing through the pain failed
the doing-it-yourself because no one else will do it for you failed
the self-medication failed
the attempts of a better life failed

Broken Heart 
by Artist Jee Young Lee